Love Fades
by junkpuppetj
Summary: The aftermath of Dimitri's revelation to Rose. This is a Dimitri/Rose fanfiction. **Spoilers for Spirit Bound & the rest of the series!**
1. Love Fades

Title: Love Fades

Rating: R

Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or any character or plots within this fanfiction. I am making no money from the writing of this story. This story contains spoilers for VA: Spirit Bound and possibly the rest of the series. It is mostly a TEEN rated fanfiction but could possibly turn darker later on so read at your own discretion.

Summary: The aftermath of Dimitri telling Rose his love for her has faded. This is a Dimitri/Rose fanfiction.

Authors Note: Just finished reading Spirit Bound (loved/hated it) for obvious reasons. This is what I thought should happen instead. Forgive me because I am no first person writer and this is my first attempt at VA fiction. I also added the 'Love Grows' story to this one to make it one story and hopefully I'll figure out how to update without making it another story? Bear with me because I am new at . Thanks for reading and please review!

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_Love Fades_. _Mine has._

I shoved through the heavy chapel doors with all my strength and began to run. It had been Dimitri's first lesson - when overwhelmed - _run. _I couldn't think of anything more overwhelming then Dimitri denying me. Twenty Strigoi closing in would have been easier to deal with.

_Why was this happening?_

My thighs were screaming once I made it to my destination - thirty feet away from the beautiful chapel - without much thought my fists found the rough brick texture of the Court gates and I began to pound them against it. I didn't want out necessary - just letting out some frustration. It was worse than the time Lissa's darkness had enveloped me at the cabin - sending me into a rage that I had never experienced before. Revenge and blood lust had soaked into my very being and it had been Dimitri that saved me.

I didn't think that was going to happen this time.

The pain inside my chest was something much, much different then what I had experienced in the cabin that day. This had nothing to do with Spirit.

It seemed like no one was going to run after me this time. I was the last thing on anyone's mind - especially Dimitri. Or Lissa. Or Adrian. I could hear someone screaming - blood curling, mindless screaming at the top of their lungs and it took several minutes to realize that it was me - and my attack on the Court walls was doing me no good.

I slid down onto the damp grass and curled my legs to my chest - almost mimicking the way Dimitri had looked when I saw him in the jail cell. My throat was burning from all the screaming I had apparently done in the last few minutes and I couldn't hold back the emotional pain any longer. A sob escaped me - a loud, unnatural sound that shook my entire body and forced my eyes closed. I must look like a crazy person - spirit finally getting to me like it had Ms. Karp and Anna. Again, this had nothing to do with Spirit.

I'm not sure how long I had been sitting in the grass - sobbing my heart out to no one, because no one ever came. Surely Lissa had to know there was something wrong through the bond? It didn't matter. More than likely she was with Dimitri - protecting him, being his Goddess now. All the hurt and sorrow inside me shifted just enough to allow jealously. Even if it wasn't a romantic relationship, yet, I think that hurt most of all - the way that Dimitri looked at her as if she were his savior.

Another sob shook through me. I had gone to Russia - I had tracked and hunted him to help him - to kill him if that meant saving his soul. When I found out how to restore his soul and keep him alive I had done _everything _in my power to make that happen. How could he just throw me to the side as if I was nothing to him now? How could this of happened.

"Do you think it was a mistake?"

I blinked through my distorted vision - wiping at the tears enough to see who my company finally was. Lissa. Of course. With all these emotions running through me I must have shut off the bond completely. She looked as beautiful as ever - even through my limited vision and I couldn't answer her. I knew what she meant as soon as the words left her lips.

_Do you think bringing Dimitri back was a mistake?_ No. Having him in the world - alive and dhampir was worth anything. Even if it meant we'd never be together. At least he was saved. Time would eventually heal what Lissa couldn't. I hoped for Dimitri's sake at least. Another, quieter sob.

All I could do was shake my head no and she knew - she knew that given the information before hand, that brining back Strigoi would leave the person a broken shell, incapable of love - I still would have saved Dimitri.

"I wish.. he didn't hate me.."

My voice was like a stranger in my head - I had never sounded weaker in my life and this caused Lissa to kneel beside me in the grass and take my bloody and bruised hands in hers. For a moment I felt warm all over and the stinging in my hands was gone. She had healed me. I was going to be crazy for real at this rate. Using Spirit was just as natural as breathing to her now – a blessing and a curse all in one.

"I'm sorry." Was all she offered - and that just fueled my anger and sorrow that much more. No comforting words for me. Instead of blowing up I just sighed, holding it back. It was obvious through the bond that Lissa didn't know if Dimitri hated me or not. She didn't know why he would - I had saved him just as much as she had. It was something that couldn't have happened without the both of us. "Let's get you out of here Rose.." she finally continued, helping me to my feet. My clothes were stained with dirt and grass but I didn't care. The emotions running through me were slowly fading - just like love apparently did - and I was becoming numb.

I let Lissa guide me back to my room without another word. I had nothing to say - not to her, Dimitri or anyone. I felt like a hollow shell and wondered if that would ever pass? The only thing I had ever wanted was for Dimitri to be with me and that didn't seem to be happening now. "Do you need something?" Lissa asked quietly as she watched me fall to my bed in my dirty clothes. "Alone.." I croaked. "I just want to be alone.."

With that said she gave a slight nod and left the room - closing the door behind her. I laid in complete silence for what seemed like days - barely breathing as I stared out into the nothingness around me. It was all a little mellow dramatic but it was all I could manage until... until I began to scream again.

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"She hasn't eaten in days."

Lissa looked up from her hands slowly, meeting Dimitri's dark brown eyes. She wasn't sure how many exact days it had been since she'd seen Rose - who continued to stay locked in her bedroom, who refused to eat when Lissa or her guards brought trays of her favorite foods to her bedroom door.

It had reminded Rose to much of her time in Dimitri's captivity and Lissa had cringed when she heard the sobs come from the other side of the door. She had no idea how to help her friend. Although he had good enough reason for it - Dimitri was being very stubborn.

"She's managed to block me out completely. It's like hitting a wall when I try to talk to her through the bond... and I don't think she's been checking on me, either. I haven't felt anything from her."

Dimitri let his eyes fall. Rose was strong. The strongest person he had ever known. Surely she would get through this? He was only trying to protect her from himself - from the dark thoughts that still plagued his mind whenever she was around. He had spent his entire Strigoi un-life plotting on ways to kill her and not just her but her beautiful, strong soul. He wanted her to be Strigoi like him - to take away her light. It was a fate worse than death.

"She thinks you hate her."

Lissa forced herself to look at Dimitri - scared that his eyes would give truth away and she would see hate in those dark hues. Who could hate Rose? She was a warrior of the people - she had risked her life for the both of them - for the entire Vampire Academy, countless times. Dimitri's silence wasn't helping. "You shouldn't hate her. She loves you - more than anything I've ever seen before... she would do anything for you... anything to help you..."

"I don't..." His voice was thick with emotion and out of respect and embarrassment Lissa turned before she saw the tears begin to fall. "I don't hate her, Vasilisa." It was all he could offer. Torn didn't begin to describe Dimitri's state of mind. Especially when it came to Rose. He had loved her - with every ounce of his being - before he was turned. After having all those vile feelings of killing her - taking away her soul, he couldn't bring himself to find the love he had once felt. It was buired to deep within the heartache of wanting Rose dead. He didn't know if anyone would ever understand.

"Maybe you should tell her..." Lissa's voice was soft and she didn't dare look at him as she spoke. That was the last thing he wanted to do. Talk to Rose. He couldn't find words when it came to Rose. "Just tell her that you don't hate her..." She continued, quietly.

"That won't help. It will only make things worse..." He was talking mostly to himself now - lost in the pain that was haunting him inside. "I couldn't..." His voice broke with emotion again - which cause Lissa to take action. She didn't want to be angry with Dimitri - she knew how fragile he was - but Rose was hurting too and she felt like she was abandoning her best friend.

"This is killing her, Dimitri." Lissa assured flatly. It was a statement full of truth. "I can feel her slipping into the darkness that surrounds her and it has nothing to do with my spirit."

"I can't be with her. Not now. Not after..."

Dimitri's eyes went wide as Lissa turned to face him - grabbing him as roughly as she could by the shoulders so he was forced to look at her too. "I understand, Dimitri. I really do... I felt it... everything... when I restored your soul... and I know as well as you that it's going to take time but Rose isn't like us - she takes action, she needs you to be strong for her..."

"You saved me... I owe you everything..."

Lissa gave him a good shake. "That is a very hurtful thing for you to say, Dimitri. I had to stake you... only a spirit user could be the one to use the stake but Rose is the only reason I did it - she went to Russia to set you free and when she found a way to restore you she did everything she could to bring you back.. You owe her everything..."

All Dimitri could do was shake his head no - refusing to see Rose. It was too hard to see her. "This is killing her, Dimitri. I can feel it through the bond - and our bond is one sided so you know it has to be real. She saved you. I was just the muscle..."

That caused a small smile to form on his lips. Lissa was a lot of things – beautiful, smart, and polite but using her name and muscle in the same sentence was humorous, even to a dhamphir who had just been restored from Strigoi.

Lissa, however, didn't think it was funny. However pathetic it was – she had managed to stake a Strigoi – not to mention bring him back to life.

"Besides, Rose might feel like she's dying of a broken heart but if she starves to death she will die and I don't know what that will mean for me... we need each other..."

With that said Lissa stood to take her leave. She didn't have to say anything for Dimitri to know that she wouldn't come back to be with him. Rose had made a choice to protect Lissa over anything - even if it meant killing Dimitri - and if it hadn't been for Christian then she would have succeeded in that. Dimitri knew the only way to repay his debt to Lissa was to talk to Rose. He turned his back to her as she left the room.

It was the one thing he couldn't do.

TBC...


	2. Love Grows

Spaghetti, thick – meaty spaghetti was filling my very soul. It was surrounding me. My eyes opened slowly to take in the surroundings and to my surprise I was laying in a luxurious four post bed with clean clothes and that delicious smell enveloping me. Surely this was a dream and I silently hoped Adrian wasn't going to show face anytime soon. I still didn't want to see anyone – him included.

Unfortunately my stomach wasn't as stubborn as I was and it caused my legs to move to the side and being the short journey to that wonderful smell. Dhamphirs were strong – sure we had to eat just like a normal human would but we had a slightly better resistance to being deprived food. My time was apparently up – the deep groan in the pit of my belly had confirmed.

As I rounded a corner I stopped dead in my tracks – surprised to see Dimitri standing over the stove, wooden spoon in hand as he worked his magic with the spaghetti. Deep in the back of my mind I knew this was wrong – the red fitting shirt he wore and blue jeans almost gave the dream away – but after all the grief I had put myself threw the past few days I couldn't bring myself to remember one of my previous fantasy's.

"Dimitri?"

The stranger's voice was back, weak and small – barely audible but it didn't seem to matter. He had looked up long before I'd spoke, a warm – genuine smile spreading across his face. One of his rare smiles I hadn't seen since our time at the cabin.

"Roza. I know you have to be starved. Have a seat?"

I looked to my left – a quaint little table made up with plates and warm garlic bread awaited us. My mouth was watering by now. I gave him a small nod and took a seat – watching as he brought the steaming pot towards me and filled my plate.

"Thanks." It was all I could seem to offer today – one word sentences. Definitely not a Rose conversation. "You're welcome, Roza. You have to eat something... you're going to starve..." I nodded again – completely agreeing with him. I hadn't eaten much in the past several days – but I hadn't gone completely without food. Long into the midnight hours I had snuck a few slices of gourmet pizza into my room. I loved food. I don't think starving was ever an option for me. "Thank you."

Dimitri smiled again, reaching over to take my hand in his. "You're welcome, Roza. I will always take care of you." He assured quietly. "No matter what, I promise."

This was very surreal to me. How could Dimitri go from telling me that the love he might have once felt for me had faded into nothing and would never return to promising me that he would always take care of me? Suddenly I felt sick to my stomach and pushed the plate of food away. "This isn't real." I was surprised it had taken me this long to figure out I was dreaming – there wasn't even a kitchen in my room at Court and Dimitri had never showed any top chef qualities.

"Roza. I'm sorry... for everything... I love..."

I forced my eyes closed tightly – blocking out anything else he might say to me. Dream Dimitri telling me he loved me would surely break my heart and lucky for me I had become quite the expert in blocking out painful situations as of late. "Roza..." That was the last I heard when my eyes opened in the real world and I was still laying in my bedroom at Court – in my grass stained clothes and matted hair.

A sigh escaped me as I moved towards the small wash room and considered a shower and possibly new clothes. My stomach was growling at the thought of food but that could wait. My keen dhampir senses registered someone was standing outside the door. Possibly Lissa or one of her guardians. It didn't matter. I wasn't going to talk to anyone – maybe never again. Two could play keep away – if that's what _he_ really wanted. Just then someone tapped on the bedroom door– causing my head to snap to the side and consider my options.

"Roza..."

Maybe I was wrong.

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	3. Love Tries

"Go away."

I had thought my grief for Dimitri had faded, at least long enough to get a shower and brush my hair. A part of me knew that I would never get over Dimitri - I was cursed to always love someone who didn't feel the same.

"Rose. You have to eat." His voice was thick with emotion - painfully obvious that someone had sent him here. Someone had demanded that he come and force me to eat something. There was only one person in the world that Dimitri felt that obligated to.

Vasilisa Dragomir.

"Leave me alone..." I clutched my hand to my heart, trying to make it back to the bed before I hit the floor. Silent tears began to fall down my cheeks and I gasped in a breath, pleading that my sobs wouldn't betray me. I didn't quite make it to the bed, sliding down into the floor just beside it with my knees held tight to my chest. It felt like my insides were going to burst through if I didn't wrap my arms around myself. "Please..."

I buried my head into my knees - allowing my hair to fall down into my face so my hearing wasn't the best but it seemed like my company had given up - rather quickly. Dimitri was probably half way back to Lissa by now - assuring her that he had done everything he could.

I was thankful for the silence my body had allowed while Dimitri had been outside my room but it was becoming too much to keep inside now and the sobs finally began - causing my body to shake as I cried into my knees. The grief had taken me over once again so I didn't realize that the door knob had twisted violently and splintered the wood until someone was inside the room - warm hands jerking me to my feet by my wrists. I refused to look at him - keeping my eyes closed and my face towards the ground.

"Roza."

There was something almost dangerous in Dimitri's voice - maybe he was trying to scare me, to assure me that I was terrified of him because of the things he had done to me while I was his captive. Unfortunately for him, I wasn't. He wasn't the same as when we were in Russia. Unfortunately for me, he didn't seem to realize that. I could feel his sweet, warm breath on my face as he spoke - he was standing close, his voice low and demanding.

"You have to eat. This is childlike behavior - you're acting like a careless teenager." My eyes opened slowly - blurry with tears. I wanted to tell him that I was a carless teenager but luckily at the last minute I realized that probably wouldn't make our situation better. Our eyes finally met and that caused him to back off to put some space between us. "Well you're acting like, like a complete asshole!" My choice of comebacks had startled him enough to allow me some leverage and I shoved him backwards.

"What are you doing, Dimitri? You tell me to stay away from you and then you come to harass me? I know your only here because Lissa told you to come. This is worse than any torture you could have caused me in Russia. I would rather you tie me up and set me on fire then do this to me!"

I was changing my middle name to mellow-dramatic. Hello, I'm Rosemarie Mellow-Dramatic Hathaway. Nice to meet you.

Dimitri's guard was down - apparently he had thought of tying me up and burning me alive once upon a time. It didn't matter. Not to me at least. "I don't want to hurt you, Roza..." His voice was quiet now, barely reaching me from the space I had put between us. "I don't know if I can't, not, hurt you." Double negatives were a wonderful thing. "Dimitri..."

I tried to move towards him but he backed away just as quickly. "I did everything I could to bring you back to me." I whispered softly, never letting our eyes fall from one another.

"The only thing I have ever wanted is you. What am I supposed to do now?"

He finally looked away, not sure how to answer - not sure if he could live without me either. When his dark eyes found my own he could only stare - there were no words of comfort to offer me. "If you don't love me anymore I can deal with that but please..." My words were breaking with emotion. "...please don't shut me out of your life? I've waited so long to be a part of you again... it's all I could think about after you..." He looked away. "..were gone."

At first I didn't think he was going to answer me - possibly just stand there in front of me for the rest of his life, and I was okay with that too. Then he did something that surprised the hell out of us both. He moved forward, closing the space between us and placed his warm hands on either side of my face. For a split second I thought he might snap my neck but instead he leaned in closer and placed his equally warm lips against my temple. "I'm sorry for hurting you, Roza." He whispered against my ear, causing a shiver of hope to run down my spine. We stayed that way for a long moment - not moving, afraid that the slightest twitch would break us apart. His lips found my temple again and I sighed before he pulled away from me.

"You have to eat."

He was beginning to sound like a broken record. I didn't give a damn about food right now - Dimitri was the only thing I needed. "Will you join me at one of the Court diners?" The look on my face must have been priceless because his next words scared the hell out of me. "I would understand, of course, if you didn't..."

"I will!"

My words came out a little too eager for my liking but Dimitri forced a smile. "Give me a few minutes to freshen up and I'll meet you in the lobby?" He nodded and gave a slight bow before removing himself from my bedroom. It might not be the raw passion that we had before he was taken from the Academy but it seemed like Dimitri was offering me his friendship and at this point I would take anything I could get.


	4. Spaghetti

Author's Note: I attempted a little Russian lingo in this section. Forgive me because google wasn't very helpful and as romantic as it is when Dimitri says it it doesn't look very romantic in writing, ;) Thanks for the reviews! You guys are awesome! Enjoy.

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A large part of me didn't expect to see Dimitri standing in the Lobby as I walked down the hall. I had managed to take a quick but effective shower and put on a fresh pair of jeans and simple sleeveless white top. I'd much rather had a beautiful ballroom gown on for Dimitri but they way he was looking at me now, I don't think it would have mattered. Our eyes met – as they always did when either of us entered a room but I couldn't read his expression as easily as I'd once been able to.

"Thanks."

His brow creased in confusion.

"For?"

"Inviting me out for food? I guess... I'm not sure..." This was unnatural. Dimitri and I had always had smooth conversations – this was too much like work. Perhaps it had been a bad idea to go with him. Maybe there really was no hope for us. As far as I knew he was only doing this for Lissa's sake. I felt my lips pull into a hard frown.

"You have to eat."

If I heard that one more time I was going to scream.

"Well, we should go. I don't want to keep you."

He didn't bother saying anything else as we walked out into Court - towards one of the many diners along the shopping centers and buildings. Several of Dimitri's guardians were walking behind us like a small convoy – keeping their distance for any conversation we apparently weren't having. This trip was strictly to get food in my system. My frown grew harder. I wish I had never let Dimitri into my room. No good could come from this situation. He glanced over at me as if he could read my thoughts.

I hadn't allowed him into my room – he had twisted the door knob so hard it splintered the wood and broke the lock.

"We really don't have to do this, comrade. I understand..." Strong Rose was coming back – slowly but surely, at least on the outside. It was hard being weak and broken around Dimitri. He had taught me to be strong when he had been my instructor and I tried to mimic his control. "You have to..." I put my hand up to stop him. "Eat, I know – I will. I'll go eat until I'm stuffed, okay? I promise..."

Dimitri stopped walking – turning to look at me. Maybe he was looking for a way out and he finally had it. I wouldn't break my promise to him – I was very hungry. Bracing myself I forced a half smile, brushing my hair back only for it to blow into my eyes again. "It's okay." Lying to Dimitri was useless – he always knew when things weren't okay. I watched carefully as he took a step towards me and placed my hair safely behind my ear – matching my forced smile with his own. "It's okay." He repeated, holding my gaze for a long – agonizing moment. "Come on."

……………….

I felt like a pig once our food came and the waiter sat a large bowl of – you guessed it – spaghetti down in front of me. Dimitri took a bite of his sandwich and I half expected him to swallow his meal whole so he could leave me and get on with his life. His actions were painfully obvious that he was doing this for Lissa – not for me. I decided to put all my energy into eating my food – keeping my eyes away from his matching brown hues.

Don't get me wrong, I was thankful for any time that involved Dimitri being civil towards me but if it wasn't genuine then it still hurt. More than him or Lissa would ever know. It would have been better if he'd left me in my room to starve – it wouldn't have hurt as much when he left me after my belly was full.

"I heard about your trials at the Academy."

Small talk? Is that what we were reduced to? I was forced to nod in agreement because my mouth was full and I didn't want to be rude.

"They said you were... untouchable. You're going to be a perfect guardian."

I swallowed hard, taking a long drink from my cup before I answered him. "Only because of you." I assured, figuring flattery would get me nowhere and I was right. Dimitri looked at me in disbelief and turned back to his food. "It doesn't matter anyway. They are making me do landscaping around Court and..." I cringed at the thought. "..paper work filing." This seemed to get Dimitri's attention. "They've also threatened me with a desk job. It's terrible..."

"Why are you being punished?"

He had heard of my trials but not of my post-graduation shenanigans. I guess a bunch of teenagers running off to Vegas for a weekend getaway wasn't on the top of Court's gossip. Maybe that was a blessing in disguise. "You know me – always pulling some off the wall stunt, getting myself and the people I care about into major trouble." There was no point in explaining any further because by the look on his face Dimitri knew already – I was in trouble because of him, because I had done what I had to do to restore him. "I can only imagine." He muttered, mostly to himself.

We finished our meal in silence for the most part – what did you say to someone who you absolutely loved with all your being and they didn't feel the same? Or to someone who you dreamt of killing for over four months and the only happiness you got was from those dark, vile thoughts? There wasn't much to say at all so I relished in his company – thankful for the few moments when he'd smile at me, or look into my eyes. It was as if he could see straight into my soul when he looked at me like that. To my surprise he hadn't run off as soon as we'd finished eating but it wasn't long until he walked me back to my room and turned to take his leave.

I stood at my bedroom door quietly – wondering if I'd have the strength to go after him. If I fell to my knees before him and begged would that ruin what little progress we had made? I decided against it and assured myself I would let him go.

"Thank you, Dimitri."

He stopped walking and turned back to look at me. I had thanked him several times today because I felt like he was sacrificing a lot to be with me.

"Thank you, Rose. For everything you've done for me."

A smile escaped my lips. I had waited so long to hear those words that I couldn't stop myself from going to him. "I know..." My fingers laced with his before he could protest. "I know what I did... what Lissa and I did was the right thing... you belong in this world, Dimitri. I just wish..." I had to look away; tears were beginning to form at my rims. "I wish you didn't remember your time as Strigoi because that doesn't matter now. Not to me or anyone. You aren't responsible for your actions as a Strigoi and I just wish..."

The tears had begun to fall by now and I couldn't hold back anymore. I wished for anything to make Dimitri feel better – to take those awful memories from him. Time travel would have been a better option than soul restoration but it wasn't something I was capable of. I had been too desperate for the first thing that could bring Dimitri back to me.

It seemed that Dimitri was having a hard time holding his emotions together as well – his body was stiff with tension and I swear I could feel his hands shaking with my own.

"If I could do it over I would have found a way to go back to before the attack on the school and I would have protected you... I would have done everything in my power to keep you safe..."

I was whispering now – moving closer so that he could hear me. His guards had walked into the lobby now – giving our conversation respect and privacy. Dimitri wouldn't respond – it seemed like he was frozen in anguish but his hands were definitely shaking now. He wasn't making a single noise but to my shock a tear escaped and fell quickly down his cheek.

"If I had to go back to before I fell in love with you I would have tried not to if it meant keeping this from happening. I swear Dimitri, this between us is too much... the pain..."

With quick reflexes that matched my own Dimitri had closed the space between us and pressed his mouth hard against mine – pulling me up by his free arm to hold my body as close to him as possible. His guards were on alert now – leaning around the corner to get a better view of what was going on. It had to of seemed like a bad soap opera to them but at that moment I didn't care. If they tried to come down the hall and pull Dimitri from me it would be their last mistake.

After a moment my back hit the wall behind me – causing a quiet groan to escape when I hit. Dimitri hadn't let up and his hands were in my hair now – deepening our kiss as he moved. Being trapped against him and the wall wasn't the most comforting situation in the world but I wouldn't have asked for anything less of Dimitri. Our kisses had always been fierce and powerful. The thought of him being a dhampir again thrilled me and I pulled him closer – allowing a small moan to escape me as his tongue danced perfectly with my own. It seemed like hours but he finally pulled away gasping, just enough to take in my scent and whisper against my lips.

"Ja tebja ljublju, Roza. I love you, Roza..." His mouth found mine before I could reply and he pressed me back against the wall. Dimitri wasn't stable – it was painfully obvious because he always composed himself in public situations but I was afraid, and a little thrilled, that he was going to have his way with me right here in the middle of the hallway. I finally managed a second of rational thought and forced him to take a step away from me – causing his wonderful lips to leave mine quickly.

"Roza..."

The look in those dark, beautiful eyes were crying – want, desire – need. Oh, how I wanted, desired and needed those things from him but not like this.

"Even when I was Strigoi I loved you... deep inside I knew that I was completely in love with you, Rose..."

His lips found mine again but I stopped him, forcing him to get a grip on the situation. He shook his head no, assuring me that this is what he wanted – he had wanted for so long.

"I said terrible things, Roza... I tried so hard to block out my feelings for you because I don't want to hurt you..." His fingers found my hair, stroking the smooth strands lovingly as his lips touched my neck and he began his apology attempt – mostly in Russian but I could hear _so sorry_ repeated continuously among the nonsense.

"Roza. Puzhalsta..."

That was one of the few words I had learned during my visit to Russia. _Please. _The pain in his voice was becoming too much to bear – this had to stop, as badly as I didn't want it to.

"Dimitri. This – we – have to stop... your guards..."

"I don't care. You are all I care about, Roza... puzhalsta..."

I took Dimitri by the hand again – thankful that his were no longer shaking and he had regained some of his control. "Come with me." I whispered, surprised when he nodded desperately and found my lips again. "Just come inside..." We turned towards my room and walked inside quickly – catching the guards as they slowly made their way back up the hall and to my room. I shut the door quietly – knowing they wouldn't follow us but would more than likely wait in the hall until Dimitri reemerged.

I turned towards him slowly as he took a seat on the edge of my bed. The small break we had in our make out session seemed to cool him down enough to gain some composure. "I'm sorry... if what I did out there was too much... I don't deserve... you don't deserve all of this craziness, Roza." He watched me carefully as I removed his shoes and assured him to lie back on the bed, climbing beside him to sit. I brought his head into my lap much like Lissa had when he returned to our world as a dhampir and I began to stroke the brown locks of hair – smiling down at him. He looked up at me wearily – our walk to the diner and conversation in the hallway was obviously too much for him. "Just rest, comrade." I assured, surprised at my own ability to show reason and control. He really had been a great instructor.


	5. The Walk

"Ty poslana mne bogom..." My eyes opened slowly as I felt Dimitri's warm breath at my neck. My Russian was very rusty. I knew few words. "It means you were sent to me by God." He whispered, trailing his tongue against my neck. "Oh." That came out more of a sound than a word as I tried to sit up on the bed. "Your guards are probably growing restless out there..." The last thing I wanted was for Dimitri to leave but I was the voice of reason right now and it seemed like the best thing for him. "I told you – I don't care about them."

I wasn't sure what to say to that.

We had been lying in my bed for hours and by the glow behind the window shade it was mid-day, which meant the middle of the night for our kind. "Can we take a walk?" I asked softly – I didn't want Dimitri to remember that he hated me anytime soon so I hadn't said much to him. I knew this perfect life wouldn't last much longer. "Anything for you, krasivyi." _Beautiful. _Dimitri slid from my lap and stood to his feet in one quick motion – making me look like a klutz as I scrambled to his side. He had fell asleep not long after we returned to my room – I guess not sleeping for several months was bound to catch up with you – and I had held him in my arms as he rested.

It had been the best night of my life.

His guards stirred quickly as the door opened and we emerged from the bedroom. At least it didn't look like we had been having sex the whole time we'd been gone. We both looked well rested and the guardians keep a professional look to themselves as we began to walk. To my surprise Dimitri took my hand in his – holding me close to his side. It was different from being at the Academy – we had to be so secretive there but now I was eighteen and we were out in the _real world._ It might be frowned upon but no one could stop us from being together.

Court was nearly deserted because of the hour so that gave Dimitri and myself plenty of walking room and very little company – except for the five guardians behind us. "There's one thing that I haven't been able to figure out." I started, unable to help myself as we walked. Dimitri looked at me – knowing he probably wasn't going to like what I had to say next. "It took me at least a month to get to Russia and even longer to find Omsk. When you… found me," I refused to say 'captured me, hit me over the head and knocked me out cold to drag me back to your evil lair', "…you were still kinda like the old Dimitri, well like you are now? Plus, your heart beat..."

Dimitri was quiet for a long moment – swallowing hard before he answered me. It was obvious that he didn't like talking about his time as Strigoi but he was our best hope for learning more about them. I had never been taught that their heart still beat.

"I think that when someone is turned Strigoi it takes a while before it comes into full effect." Our eyes met and I gave him a smile, assuring him that it was okay to talk about it. What had happened to him wasn't his fault. "The first few weeks I was angry… tortured because I had let this happen to me, because I'd lost you... and I knew I had to leave America – to get as far away from you and the Academy as possible."

My mouth hung open slightly – all eyes on Dimitri has he told his sad story.

"Later, after I found you... or, you found me actually – it was harder to be around you. I wanted to be with you so badly but I couldn't allow myself but in short visits. I knew that if I stayed with you... or if we made love again that I would kill you."

All I could do was nod, understanding now why he never went any further with me at the estate. It was bad enough to be turned into his blood whore but surely he still had enough soul left in him to fight the urge for sex and even worse, my death.

"You are very strong."

This caused him to laugh.

"Remember I kept telling you that you had to make a decision? I was fighting my instincts so hard it was tearing me apart inside and I knew that I wouldn't be able to control it much longer. After you..." His gaze fell at the thought. "..escaped. It only got worse... by the time you saw me in Vegas it was pure blood lust…" Dimitri grew quiet after that, lost in his own sea of dreadful thoughts.

"You really should stay away from me, Roza. You are in constant danger with me by your side." We stopped walking and looked at each other. "No. Dimitri – you aren't Strigoi anymore. You won't hurt me." He looked at me as if he wasn't so sure. "What if I… willingly become Strigoi... during my time I found out that it isn't just Moroi… even half moroi dhampirs can become Strigoi if they purposely kill someone.."

He kept his voice low so that the trailing guardians couldn't hear our conversation but the shock on my face was almost a dead giveaway.

"It doesn't matter, Dimitri. Not to me. I know that you'd never do something like that and you won't hurt me and even if you did decide you want to kill me I couldn't think of any other hand I'd want to die by." How poetic. "But you won't, so it doesn't matter."

I let my voice trail. He wasn't listening to me anymore – no matter how much I assured him that he wouldn't hurt me or become Strigoi he didn't believe it himself.

"I should probably go back and get some real sleep before morning. I have a bad feeling that Hans is going to be waiting for me with shovel in hand at sunset."

"Come to my suit, Roza. You'll never get enough rest if you have to walk all the way back to the graduate's quarters. Mine is just around the bend ahead."

Spending the night with Dimitri – even if it was strictly platonic (which is so wasn't) – would only lead to one thing – me trying to have my way with him.

"I don't trust…" His eyes caught mine at the thought of me not trusting him. Of course I did – I trusted him even when he was Strigoi, for the most part - at first. "I don't trust myself, Dimitri… not with you..." He had never let go of my hand and now pulled me in close to himself to brush his lips against my own.

"Krasivyi Roza." _Beautiful Rose._ "I don't want to let you go…"

Words like that made me melt in his arms.

"Don't let me go." I repeated in a whisper – looking up into his mesmerizing eyes. That was all it took for him to quicken his pace – nodding his guardians to the suit her majesty had so humbly allowed him after the majority of the town agreed he wasn't Strigoi. Once inside the building the Guards took their respected leave to their own quarters close by and Dimitri's mouth finally found mine. It was the same hungry need as before but this time I was ready for him and I matched his advances perfectly.

...................................................

Author's Note: This part gets a little naughty so no kiddies and read at your own discretion! Hope it isn't to smutty and tacky! Ty! ***THIS PART IS RATED M FOR MATURE!***

_"Roza..." _The nickname he had given me so long ago was at my lips now - pushing me back against his door as he tried desperately to find the key in his pocket without breaking our connection. _"Ja hochu tebja tak ploho..." _My sweet Dimitri sometimes, most of the time, forgets that I am not fluent in Russian but I caught a few words like, _want _and _so badly_ in that sentence and I had to agree with him.

After another agonizing minute I heard the lock click open. In my desperation my hand found the knob first and I turned it hard - causing us both to go flying backwards into his room. I let out a muffled yelp when my back hit the floor - Dimitri's hands in my hair trying to shield the blow.

"Are you alright?"

I wiggled beneath him.

"Yeah."

The single word had came out more passionately then I could of hoped for and we began to kiss again - his mouth on mine and then down my neck skillfully. He was so full of life and warmth - my heart was screaming out to him. It was exactly like our first time at the Academy. I felt him move and heard the door close behind us with his foot - his hands finding my face as the kiss continued.

_"Roza.. my beautiful, Roza.. I missed you so much... I'm so sorry.."_

Dimitri's kisses were growing fewer and further between - causing me to take action. I didn't want to lose him to his horrible memories - not now. _"Shh, baby.. I love you.."_ We kissed again - hard, slipping my tongue into his mouth until he groaned between us. _"I love you, Dimitri.."_ I was in his lap by then - still on the floor with my legs locked behind him. No one could have moved me from this position - it was the one place in the world I belonged - with Dimitri. His arms wrapped around me tightly, bringing me into his embrace - holding my mouth to his as skilled fingers ran through the back of my hair.

Several wonderful moments went by as we kissed, touched and whispered to each other until I felt as though I was going to explode with love and happiness, and something else. _"Dimitri..."_ My voice was thick with emotion as he looked at me - letting his eyes move from my face to my body. Unfortunately we were still on the floor just inside his suit.

_"I want you."_

It was all the encouragement he needed. In a quick movement he had stood to his feet and latched the door - reaching down to pick me up into his arms. Our lips found one another's again as he laid me back on his surprisingly soft bed and advanced onto me - shedding his long leather coat as he went. I couldn't help but sigh happily as his weight fell onto me - it was the best feeling in the world, knowing that Dimitri was with me - that he wanted me. He had definitely turned a one-eighty on his thoughts of us being together but I wasn't going to think about that now.

All I could seem to think of was Dimitri's rough hands sliding up my shirt and cupping my breasts gently. In another second the shirt was thrown across the room and his mouth replaced his hands. His warm tongue traced a wet line down the valley of my breasts - stopping just before my navel.

_"Puzhalsta.." _

My voice sounded foreign to me - possibly because I had just spoke to Dimitri in his native tongue - possibly because he had eagerly slipped my jeans off without much effort. Lost didn't begin to describe how I felt when Dimitri was touching me - disconnected from the world barely explained it. Somehow here we were again - completely naked in bed with each other and he didn't so much as hesitate when he entered me this time. Dimitri placed small kisses on my bottom lip as he stared into my eyes - staying completely still as the sensations took over our bodies.

"I didn't mean to hurt.. you.." He groaned against my ear, slowly beginning to move. "..I couldn't.. help myself.." I was at a loss for words by then - staring at him with a look of pure wonder on my face. _"I love you."_ Was all I could seem to offer as he continued this beautiful torment to my body.

................................................


	6. Monster

Author's Note: This part goes between Dimitri's POV and Rose's POV. Hopefully it isn't confusing. Thanks for all the great reviews!

...

Rose stirred quietly in her sleep when I touched her, running my fingers down the side of her perfect face. How could I have ever wanted to cause pain to this beautiful creature? _"Beautiful, Roza."_ My heart was aching inside it's caged cell - the slow thud, thud, thud ringing in my ears. She would never know how badly I'd wanted to kill her once - it had been my obsession, the one thing that fueled me when I had been Strigoi. Those type of memories plagued my every waking thought - kept me less than what I once was.

_"Roza."_

She turned to her side and faced me in the bed, wrapping an arm protectively around my waist - closing the space between us. Our bare stomachs were touching and though I tried _so hard_ sometimes to portray the calm, collected one in our relationship - I couldn't help it when my breathing became a little less controlled and my own hands began to roam her exposed skin. _"Beautiful, Roza."_

Those words would never grow old to me - seeing the way her face lit up when I whispered them to her - I would say them every second of the day if I could. Anything for _her._ Anything to make _her _happy. I'd caused her so much pain ever since my... return. Being Strigoi, killing so many innocent people - trying to kill _her_. It was nothing compaired to the look on her face when I'd told her we couldn't be together. When I pledged my life to Vasilisa and completely ignored Roza. I had told her that love faded but that wasn't true - not true love, not what we had. The look she'd given me that day was worse then losing my soul. I thought I had lost her.

"What are you thinking about?"

Her hands trailed my bare chest as she spoke - not meeting my eyes. She wanted to know everything I was thinking but she knew there was probably a cost to that kind of knowledge. My thoughts, nowadays, were mostly of my time as one of the Strigoi. After a moment I smiled, finally catching her dark eyes with my own. "You, Roza. Always you." Her eyes were like two stone onyx gems in the dark - looking at me with compete trust and passion. Definitely passion.

Our lips found each others in the dark - her back arching into my arms as we kissed, hard and passionate like most of our kisses were. I wouldn't have had it any other way. She was passionate in everything she did - everything she touched. It's what made her the person she was. It's what made me love her. The fire in her heart surpassed anything I'd ever known - it's what I had longed for when I hunted her...

...

Dimitri pulled away from me with such a start that I cried out in shock. His once calming expression had changed drastically - looking at me with wild, fearful eyes. "Dimitri? What's wrong?" Dhampirs had excellent senses - sight and sound - but with my hormones raging and the darkness surrounding us - I couldn't quite make out his emotions. Some guardian I was going to be. "Dimitri?"

"We should go."

"What? No!" I tried to push myself up in the bed and go to him. He was sitting on the edge by now. "What happened? Did I do something wrong?" I touched his shoulder - causing his eyes to turn to me slowly. Pain. A deep sorrowful pain swam their now. "Dimitri? I'm sorry... I didn't mean to-."

"It's not _you Rose_! Can't you see that? _I'm the one that's seriously fucked up!" _

His words had startled me - causing me to sink back into the bed as he moved. Dimitri was standing above me now - towering down with a very angry expression on his gorgeous face. "I'm trying Rose... I really am but I lay there with you and I think about how amazing you are and then without even realizing it I'm reminiscing on times when I wanted you dead!" He was nearly screaming now. "...and trust me Rose. I did want you dead."

I didn't speak - didn't even swallow the lump that had formed in my throat. _"Roza.." _He leaned towards me now, climbing into the bed again. Even insane-crazy Dimitri took my breath away. I tried to stay calm - to listen to him and not upset him further but the way his hair fell into his face, brushing against that strong jaw and those eyes. I finally swallowed. Two beautiful orbs of brown were staring back at me and his pain was gone - replaced with something much more terrifying. Longing. Not for me, unfortunately, but for something that was lost to him now.

A restored Strigoi soul was nothing compared to the soul he'd once had.

...

_"Roza."_

Please, look away. She looked at me the same way she had when we first started training together at The Academy. I didn't deserve any ones compassion - especially _hers._ I was a monster. Her own personal monster.

"Being with me puts you in constant danger." My voice was barely a whisper now as I moved closer to her, unable to help myself as I touched the few strands of hair that had fallen into her eyes. She didn't answer me - just continued with her torturous stares. I could tell that her crazy Rose-logic was in overdrive now, trying to think of an arguement that assured me we belonged together. The only problem was that I knew we belonged together - but it wasn't enough. It didn't change the fact that my memories were more powerful than my love for her. If we didn't end this - she would get hurt. Possibly killed. By me. My eyes finally fell from Rose's at the thought.

"You think that you're the monster.." I couldn't look at her now - it was uncanny how she always knew what I was thinking. "Dimitri, you were Strigoi when you wanted to kill me."

Slowly, out of habit, my eyes returned to hers. Wherever she was going with this - it wasn't going to be pretty. We'd had this conversation before. It didn't matter if my actions weren't my own then - it didn't make them any less then what they were.

"On my way to Russia I plotted your death over a million times. It consumed me, Dimitri. You are the only thing I've ever loved and I had to hunt you down and try to kill you. Unfortunately I don't have being Strigoi for an excuse."

Silence filled the room.

"It's not the same." I groaned, pushing myself away from her. Similar but not the same. I sighed, watching as she finally joined me out of the bed and began pulling her clothes on. I could hear a faint growling noise coming from across the room and realized that we should probably eat. Put these sad conversations away for now to get some food. Rose was pre-occupied with her boots as I made my way across the room. After her task she looked up at me and forced a smile. Maybe I wasn't the only one with demons. Another sigh escaped me as I wrapped her up in my arms and hugged her against my chest.

We stayed this way for a long time - not talking, fighting, making out - just basking in one another. Finally, the silence was getting to much and I spoke against her hair. _"I love you, Roza. I always will."_ Another forced smile as she moved away from me and towards the bathroom. "I love you too, Dimitri. I always have."

...

We didn't talk much on the short walk to the breakfast cafe. For once, Rose Hathaway was at a loss for words. Dimitri didn't have any money - Strigoi didn't need simple things like money because they took whatever possessions they wanted and whoever got in their way they killed. Actually whoever was in a thirty mile ratis probably lost their life. A sigh escaped Dimitri and I feared that our thoughts were painfully similar. He looked down at me as I pulled out some cash and handed it to the clerk - taking our food to one of the side tables. I kept my eyes on Dimitri as his guards spread out into the cafe to give us some privacy.

"Thanks." He assured quietly, nodding towards his bagel. My eyes lifted from his face as an army of The Queen's guards descended upon us. One minute it had been just Dimitri, myself and his guards then suddenly the room was swarming with security. "You need to come with us - NOW." One of the guards barked. Apparently he was the leader. "Leave him alone!" I snapped, looking from face to face. Spirit's angry darkness exploded within me now. "He hasn't done anything! Why can't you guys accept that he's really a dhampir now?" I found the leader in the crowd and now stood face to, well chest with him - I wasn't Moroi, I wasn't very tall. The man who'd spoken arched an eyebrow. "I wasn't talking to _him_. Rose Hathaway you are under arrest for high treason. The murder of Her Royal Majesty, Queen Tatiana."

...

Author's Note/Disclaimer: Fin. I think. There could be more. After this part it re-connects with the book - meaning Rose and Dimitri fight the guards until Rose realizes that she's hurting Dimitri's image having him fight for her. She agrees to go with the guards and then goes to the hearing. I realize that I've completely written Adrian out of the story so for my sake (and Dimitri's;) lets just say that Adrian and Rose weren't as close as they seemed in the book. Also, my disclaimer for this last chapter - The last section contains actual dialog from the book Spirit Bound by Richelle Mead and I do NOT own any of that or any of the character's in this story. Thanks again everyone for reading and stay tuned! ;)


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